My Story

Well, this is my story. 

It all started my first year of middle school. Everyone hated me, and convinced me to hate myself as well. I became a selfharmer then, and here I am, 4 years later, and no one has noticed. My 6th year was fine. People called me names, tormented the living shit out of me, but I didnt really care. 

In my 7th year, I was doing fine. Things had gotten better, but that only meant they were about to get worse. The second semester of my 7th grade year I woke up vomiting everyday, with terrible pain in my stomach, head,  back, everywhere. Things went terrible. I was bedridden for weeks, in hospitals for days at a time, undergoing different procedures every night, on 15-20 pills a day. My life fell apart. I couldnt go to school, my friends forgot who I was, everything was ruined. 

One morning I decided that today was my day to die, so I attempted suicide, and failed. Obviously. I’ve learned to hate myself over the course of the past few years. Nothing has gone right for me and I feel as if nothing will. 

After a long, terrible recovery, I then became strong again. I was ready for the new school year. New school, new people, new me. 

I was wrong. I can never change myself, but I didnt realize it until the second semester. Everything came back. The anxiety, the depression, the physical pain and vomiting every day and night. It all started over and I couldnt take it anymore. I then attempted suicide a second time, failing as well. 

I am now currently still undiagnosed, physically. But mentally, not so much.  Since all the time I spent with myself, with my conscience, with the voices in my head, I want nothing but to die.  They tell me night and day how I should have died. I shouldnt have been born. I shouldnt be here. I was diagnosed with severe depression, Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Minor Schizophrenia. 

They always tell me things will get better, which they will, but whenever they do, they fall to shit again. I hate myself, and no one can change that. Not you, and not me. 

I know no ones going to read this, and whoever actually does will probably just make fun of me, but to you, you should know by now that I really just don’t give a fuck about you, or anybody else.  

So currently, I am still a selfharmer, for 4 years. Undiagnosed physically, and fucked up mentally. I hate myself, and you all should know that I do.  I want it all to end, and I won’t stop till I succeed. Third times the charm, right?

And to anyone who has found all this out from Tumblr, I suggest you just leave my page immideatly. Thank you.